Our son Sachin is older than our daughter Priya by 11 years. We used to have very interesting discussions on our dining table. Priya was in first grade and Sachin was in college. He would tell stories or share anecdotes of happenings in the college. The moment Sachin finished, Priya would start with “This is what happened in my school today!” She would then narrate something, of course imaginary, what happened with Dilip or Meena or whoever were her friends. Initially we would try to tell her not to spin stories. She would not stop but continue! Then we realized that it was her urge to take part in conversation and not feel left out. In retrospection, I felt that she developed the skills to narrate anecdotes as well as an ability of story telling, which is essential in life.
As I look back in life, I realized that people who were brought up in homes and families which were so called socially challenged, must have faced trauma, as life must have been difficult. In childhood, the child has no inhibitions. The child is bold and open minded, if allowed. But when there are challenges in life, healthy discussion is not a priority because the parents themselves never got such an opportunity and would suppress the urge in children. I was brought up in a family where openness was the norm. I luckily could convert this advantage in becoming, hopefully, a good individual! Jury is still out!
The effects of suppressed upbringing last a lifetime, with a few honourable exceptions. What would be the effects of suppression? One important effect would be even a successful individual with tough background, may always feel the need to check if they have done better than their peers! A good painter may keep on comparing with others. Am I good enough? A good writer may keep comparing with peers. Am I better than so and so? He may add a few spins to his writing, like Priya did in her childhood, to make it noteworthy. Classic example is recent gaffe by Arnab Goswami, when he claimed that he was physically present during an event during Godhra riots, in Gujrat. The event did occur but his colleague Rajdeep Sardesai was physically present and not Arnab.
I read recently that actor Nawazuddin Siddiquie’s wife slammed him for writing false things about himself in discussion about their broken marriage. Since I don’t know him, I can’t comment on what type of person he is. But is it some trauma in his growing up stage that caused him to make false claims? I can’t say.
How does an individual overcome such issues? How does he stop making false claims? How does he overcome the habit of deceitful expressions? Only way to do it is to take help of friends or anyone who will help. Second way is to try and forget the traumas of the childhood but it is easier said than done. When I wrote about writer above, if writing is his profession then he may attempt deceit but one need not do it if he is a professional in different field and writing is his hobby! In a hobby there is nothing to prove!
Finally, I will narrate a story about a very young daughter of our maid servant, who used to come to play with Priya, when she was young. Their family unfortunately came from a financially challenged background. While playing with Priya, she would tell stories of how they had many gadgets at home, how she had different toys to play at home and so on. One day I was sitting in the same room as they were. I heard her speak and my eyes moistened with sadness because I knew her background. I pray to God nobody is required to become a spin doctor to overcome trauma of their childhood! Or teach us all to accept things as they are!