A happy family is a Smart Work!

You envy your neighbours and blame your destiny when you see Deshpande’s and Sharma’s next door! They are happy families. Whenever you see them, you are happy, and you want to be like them. You envy them not because they are happy, but because you cannot be happy like them. When you do not find any logical reason, it is elementary to blame destiny. Deshpande’s have two kids like you; your financial status appears to be similar. Sharma’s have to support her parents but still, look always cheerful. But it is not as simple as it seems.

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What is the secret to achieving this happiness? First and foremost is understanding that happiness is a transient and not a permanent phase in life. Most of our day to day life is drudgery with peaks and troughs, happiness and sadness! Once you accept this fact, you will start understanding that destiny has nothing to do with your joy. Every home, every family has its pluses and minuses! Everybody has tough times and quiet times. We all go through our financial instability to reasonable stability to sometimes high financial comfort. But these phases are also transients; if we assume that these will continue forever, then we would be in trouble.

Our pressures, our sore points are all going to be there. But it is how we manage things that are going to decide our situation. Husband and wife also need to learn to fight sensibly. They need to learn to let go of things and should not bring Egos in between. When does the phase for the difference of opinion start?

You are married, you come back from honeymoon and enter the honeymoon phase of life! Life meanders smoothly and then suddenly you find that your TV has conked and one of your vehicles is creating a problem. You have important customers at the office, and your husband needs to attend a conference over the weekend. You must realise that the honeymoon phase of life is over. Most of us forget to understand this, and everything is in great flux. Please know that it is the beginning of real life.

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Life’s real variables, the kids, are not even in the picture. Life has already started becoming complicated. Now, do you understand my statement above that we must learn to fight sensibly? The fights are a difference of opinion. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus; this adage is a real-life adage. Husband and wife are married and love each other. But as the situation starts becoming complex, discussions need to be done without raising the voice and the temperature. All that these two lovely people are doing is that they are giving a different opinion on the same matter. But I am told that on Mars they speak Chinese and on Venus, they speak Spanish. In the absence of Google Translate during translation, the term “lost in translation” comes into play! Maybe one of them is not good at explaining, or the other is not a good listener. The result is that both feel that the other person is not even listening to what I am saying. Matter does not end there! The wife gets an urgent call, and the husbands boss has asked for a quick update on something! It is the beginning of the first world war!

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First and foremost, learn to argue, explain and fight correctly. After all, you folks are the closest to each other. From this incident, learn to cool down, chill during or after the flight! A good hug or a kiss takes care of many things. Sit together in the evening over a cuppa or a glass of wine or whatever is your poison. Decide to start planning on a piece of paper, use an app if you are tech-savvy! Don’t delay it, don’t procrastinate! Humans are born to procrastinate, but it is as bad sugar is for diabetics.

Main variables like children, and in small cases not able to conceive, are equally painful problems of life. Degree of complexity of life changes from simple arithmetic, to algebra, to trigonometry, to Fourier transforms. Degree of difficulty starts going up exponentially. It is like in the business or a profession. Planning, planning, short term planning, long term planning! When things are in front of you on a piece of paper or whatever medium, you visualise better. You can prioritise, you can decide in advance what could be delayed. Planned delay is not a shock. With a lot of planning, there will be a semblance of discipline in life; there can still be a bolt out of the blue! You need to budget for it.

You must be wondering if I have strayed into telling some management related story! But real life is also management, management of our life! But the most critical aspect is that it is going to affect you and your family directly! If you lose a project or an order to someone else in your work, generally no emotions are involved. But if you are not able to attend a sports event where your child has won the first prize, it is going to affect the whole family! Sometimes, it will take a real toll in relationship with your child!

It will be a good idea if Mars and Venus’s folks come on the same page on significant issues. It will be a good idea to split the chores. Whoever is expert in that area should own that part, though the planning and review should be shared. Bouncing ideas with each other is another right way of handling things.

All these things will lead to a life which is under control. Result of the same will be happiness. If Sharma’s and Deshpande’s are your good friends, why not take the advice from them on streamlining day to day matters and long term matters too! Our life does not have to run in military precision, but it is better if it is organised. Ultimately, whatever needs to be done is to be done by us and no one else! What better way than being organised, being mature (take time out during fights). Minimise procrastination. Benefits are plenty which may not be called happiness. You will have more me time; you will have time with friends and of course, family! Once in a while, you might be able to do a few things like rafting, kayaking, or whatever!

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Change your thinking! Let Kulkarnis and Guptas be envious that your family is happy!

Quackery! The Modern-Day Phenomenon?

 

Quack2Quackery is a dishonest practice and claims to have specialised knowledge and skill in some field, typically medicine. The World is full quacks for a long time. Along with quackery, we should also combine the word sucker- sucker is a gullible or easily deceived person. Quacks and Suckers are joined at birth. Because there are suckers, we have quacks.

Till about a hundred years back, medicine was not developed by today’s standards. The doctors in those days would merely manage patients rather than curing them. Hence, the doctors were not considered as deities, as some of them appear today. Yes! With modern drugs, diagnostics methods and improved surgical procedures and knowledge, good doctors are like gods, who bring patients back from jaws of death.

Ok, I am not saying that this pathy or that pathy is good! I am talking of many individuals, who though not doctors, claim to cure you of cancer, of diabetes; some promise pregnancy to women who find it a complicated and unachievable process. The latest fad is the dieting industry. Somehow, I am not comfortable with the dieticians who are not doctors by basic training. Similarly, we see trainers in the gym, who have a bit of knowledge about gyming but should not be guiding people with medical issues.

Why do people fall prey to such people and practises? There are several reasons. Some of the quacks are marketing experts with excellent body language and oratory. On top of this, they glibly say things or don’t say things. Consider the case of Mukesh Ambani’s son. He had a significant health issue, and his weight was uncontrollable. Some time back, he moved to the USA for a couple of years, and a whole team of doctors guided the dieticians, trainers and the team to help Junior Ambani to come back to normal. He has come back to normal, but to me, the main reason for success was Ambani’s will and determination. There has been a rumour going on for some time on WhatsApp that he was cured by a celebrity dietician from Mumbai. The dietician has never denied the story! Why would she?

The same dietician offers annual wellness group retreat in Darjeeling. It is a seven-day program of which two are travel days; for balance five days the charges are Rs.2.1/ lacs. You need to reach Bagdogra on your own. As the saying goes, a sucker is born every minute. I am okay even if she charges Rs 5/ lacs for the program but what wellness will you get in five days. It’s a holiday under the garb of a wellness program.

In the dead of winter in Pune when the temperature is around 6 /7 deg C, a Yoga Guru used to have free Yoga camp. People would go there in hordes and attend it for ¾ days. I am okay with this because this Guru never claimed anything, did not charge any money. He was encouraging people to follow Yoga. I checked with a few friends who used to attend the program; they never did Yoga ever through the year! But at least they were not cheated.

Then there is a story of asthma cure in Hyderabad. A family from Hyderabad many years back declared that the GOD had told them that they should offer a particular asthma cure to the general public, free. The family supposedly had a secret potion, a paste, which they would put in the mouth of a tiny fish. The fish was then pushed through the patient’s throat. Again, since it was free and there were no side effects, I don’t care. But I met a friend who was singing paeans of the treatment. He said that he had been going for the procedure every year. I asked him, “If the magic cure is supposed to cure asthma, why do you go every year?” He is still upset with me.

When people have some severe body condition, the quacks try to take disadvantage of the situation. They play with their emotions. They make them follow the incorrect path. The person with difficulties falls prey to glib talks and methods. We read stories of women who go in desperation to some Gurus, as these women cannot get pregnant. The Gurus take advantage and convince the women to sleep with them or sometimes forcefully sleep with them. If the Gurus are lucky, then the women become pregnant. The Gurus become more famous and get more and more women who take “treatment’ from them. Women, obviously, don’t share the rape part with anybody!

Sometimes, some of the quacks advertise miracle treatment on cancer, hypertension, and what have you! Even modern allopathy treatments are not able to cure many of the ailments. But these quacks have a cure for everything. But the suckers go to these quacks, try out stuff for a year or maybe two with no results. In the meanwhile, the body condition has worsened. Some people die! There was a news item of a patient who was taking treatment on piles, from a “doctor”. After a year he got so fed up, the patient went to the “clinic” and stabbed the doctor to death!

Today the medical skills available are unbelievable. After knee replacement, the patient is asked to try walking a few steps within 24 hours. After bypass surgery, the patient is asked to walk on a staircase in a matter of days. When such skills and expertise is available, why people go to quacks? When a doctor suggests to you, about diet, I am okay with it because she will know the effects as well as side effects of the same. But the problem is that some non-doctors make tall claims. These claims are like Ponzi schemes in the finance market. Double your money in next six months. The quacks talk of curing Cancers and Aids; they speak of patients who reduced 50 kgs in two months, and so on. Now there are bariatric surgeries available which help in lowering weights drastically. Why not try these instead of going for a Ponzi scheme? I have no issues about people offering pricey plans at resorts. There are suckers, so why not? But from what I understand, their treatments are not risky, and they do not make tall claims.

I will share an exciting story; not all mass cure schemes are frauds. Near Rishikesh, in Northern India, a “Doctor” was running a mass clinic where thousands of people went every day to be treated for Epilepsy. He would charge them nominally. A team was sent by the Indian Medical Association to check the claims made by the “Doctor”. The Doctor met the team, and he explained his working.

First and foremost, he was a medical doctor who was trained at a renowned Institute in India. He realised that not all epilepsy patients needed modern-day drugs. So he started a drug manufacturing unit. The drugs manufactured were from the era of 1950-60. These drugs had come out of patent issues. He gave these drugs to all the patients. Around 60 % of patients got cured with these drugs. Placebos cure ten to fifteen % of patients, is a proven fact. So at least 70% of his patients got cured. According to me this a good record when we consider hundreds of patients, he was checking every day!

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Friends, by all means, try alternate methods of cure! Homoeopathy, Ayurved do cure various ailments but remember, they are no cure-alls. But Allopathy has the maximum chance of curing complicated diseases. So, don’t play around when you have severe health conditions to handle. For Jaundice, there is only Ayurvedic cure, so similarly, Allopathy is the treatment of severe diseases. Don’t experiment! Go to dieticians for weight control by all means. But if you weigh 124 Kgs, get yourself treated under medical guidance. One can always try alternative medicine along with the primary treatment! But don’t get driven by Chelation treatment for heart conditions, Magnetic Band treatment for joint issues. These are unproven, and the chances are that these clinics are run by people who are not supposed to handle such difficult cases! One more important thing, to avoid minor side effects of Allopathic drugs, don’t go to quacks. You will be worse off!

Don’t waste efforts on being Happy!

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World over there is a considerably large industry called Happiness Industry or Being Positive Industry! You must be wondering after reading the title! Has Pramod gone bonkers? He looks like a positive guy; he always writes about being happy. What has happened to him? My usual pursuit of knowledge allows me to read different thought processes and documents from the world over. Initially, I was also surprised to learn some reports which said that our default status is not about being happy.

As per the Brazilian poet Vinicius de Moraes, happiness is “like a feather flying in the air. It flies light, but not for very long.” Happiness is human thinking, an abstract idea with no equivalent in actual human experience. Positive and negative effects do reside in the brain, but sustained happiness has no biological basis.

Humans are not designed to be happy or even content. Instead, we are intended primarily to survive and reproduce, like every other creature in the natural world. A state of contentment is discouraged by nature because it would lower our guard against possible threats to our survival.

Till we became an organised society ten thousand years ago by learning to farm, there was hardly any difference between humans and other species. Let us not say that humans were technically advanced compared to others. Look at the nests built by the birds; they are technical marvels. Look at the gut feelings of animals; many animals understand if there would be an earthquake shortly. Dogs can detect mines and drugs! Each of the species had their specialities. The common aspects were reproduction and survival instincts. Let me assure you the life was not easy then and it is not easy now!

I have recently written a blog about Happiness, and I thought that there is no point in writing details about happiness.

https://panvalkarpramod.wordpress.com/2019/07/16/happy-happy-we-shall-be/

The survival in olden days was from the severe nature, other animals or predators. Humans, with their intelligence, came up with many inventions and found some defence mechanisms, helping them survive more easily. But mind you, you have to endure still or survive. Even in the twenty-first century, we sight tigers and cheetahs in the Pune district. My son, Sachin, was saying that even today they have to be careful about Bears that are sighted in greater Seattle area, especially during winter.

Survival in olden days was from drought and floods. Is the 21st century much different? Today, there is a drought-like condition in the Marathwada region of Maharashtra, even though half the monsoon is over. Last week a train full of water tankers was sent to Chennai. Assam and Bihar are facing severe floods due to heavy rains. People have been dying due to floods and may die due to drought too if sufficient monsoon rains don’t come.

So some population is in survival mode all the time. Have we forgotten about poverty on the terra firma? Development does bring prosperity, but still, a large number of people world over are poor! Survival against nature, other species to a small extent, and poverty is the requirement in the so-called modern world. Happiness is there, come on, I am not a pessimist! But it is there like a golden ray of the sun coming through the dark clouds! Happiness is a fleeting moment in our lives.

Friends let us not forget that happiness is that fleeting moment; it is like the flying feather taking a small flight before settling down. Our default status is a bit of struggle most of the times, surviving and reproducing. Is reproduction an easy path to glory? Yes, it is glorified as coming together of two human beings in a sexual act. Then there is that long struggle of nine months for the lady. The sexual act is the fleeting moment of happiness! The expected new arrival is a delightful moment for the couple and the family, with nine months of looming struggle. Morning sickness, too much weight gain in some cases, unexpected medical conditions like diabetes during pregnancy are the tough things the lady has to survive. Have we forgotten birth? It is supposed to be the toughest event in women’s life. If it is not natural birth, then it is the C-section and recovery from the surgery! In the whole gamut of struggle, there is that delightful feather taking the small flight, the newborn!

Each era has its tough times. In the four centuries between 14th and 18th, there were wars everywhere. The relative peace in between this time and the 20th century was a struggle against diseases, the world over. Hundreds of would die of plague, cholera and typhoid. There was no cure. Patients were managed by the doctors and not treated. Modern medicines were yet to come. The relative peace of this period was followed by World War I and World War II! The WW II ended with the dropping of nuclear bombs in Japan. Millions of people died in these wars. But war forced the world to look for cures to injured soldiers in wars. Sulfa and Penicillin were discovered in this period, gave humanity the miracle drugs! These dugs again brought the smiles and happiness back in our lives. Then one after another modern surgical and diagnostics methods have come. Has it brought permanent or long-lasting happiness in our lives? The answer is no! Yes, some cancers are now getting cured, but many new uncurable ones are getting detected. Alzheimer and Dementia are seen more as longevity has become the norm! So in between periods of survival, happiness is achieved.

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What am I talking? Am I saying that you can be happy or you cannot be happy? Only thing I am saying is that happiness is there in life; don’t be after it. Don’t get driven by slogans to spend your money on books or programs. We are happy and sad in cycles. After a routine life sometimes there are events in life which make you miserable. The sadness does not last forever!

Similarly, after the sadness period, there could be routine drudgery, then there will be a sudden period of happiness! Both happiness and sadness are cyclic, and their cycle will go on. Happiness starts with the arrival of the new one. (don’t forget that the mother has given her nine months of tough period to achieve happy times of her life.)

In today’s parlance, I will give an example of this cycle. Your child grows old enough and takes wings to fly the world over, the way you wanted your child to go! You are happy, but then comes the usual drudgery of their life and their slowly become professionals. A grandchild is born, you are happy! But are not happy that you cannot see it immediately. Life goes on with happy moments, sometimes sad ones too! Then suddenly, your child can come home for a few days (please note that it is your home, not the child’s home) for a few days; there is happiness. Life goes on and on!

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Happiness and sadness are two sides of the same coin called life. To your surprise, you will find that this is the only coin that stands on its edge most of the times. Only for a small duration, it becomes flat depending on the which type of event we have in life; happy or sad! Do you know that after some time has passed, the coin automatically stands on its edge, the phase known as routine life?  Don’t worry; I have not gone bonkers. Be as happy as is possible! You cannot tell the clouds to give space for the sunlights to come out; similarly, your mental phase happy or sad comes when its time has come.

Trust the potent weapon!

Roti, Kapda Aur Makan! Food, Clothing and Shelter are three basic things we need in our life. But there is one more important thing that needs to be added to list, Trust! You will now add WhatsApp, FB and Internet to the list but then these are not basic things. Trust means a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. 

It is equally applicable to personal relations and in business. We put our firm foot forward without any doubt if there is trust in the relationship. Trust is a central part of all human relationships, including romantic partnerships, family life, business operations, politics, and medical practices. For example, if you don’t trust your doctor or psychotherapist, it is much harder to benefit from professional advice. In politics, a government falls when no-trust motion is passed against it.  

Trust is a set of behaviours, such as acting in ways that depend on another or is a belief in the probability that a person will behave in specific ways. Trust is a general mental attitude towards a proposition that someone is dependable and is a feeling of confidence and security that our partner cares.  

Behaviours and verbal expressions are certainly evidence for trust, for example when someone treats you well and says beautiful things to you, but these behaviours are merely evidence for the internal mental state of trust that causes them, not the trust itself. Trusting people may involve trying to guess how they will behave, but people usually trust others without any understanding of probability or any precise predictions about their behaviours. Trust is an abstract feeling like love. But, it is challenging to define trust, but humans do it by gut feeling.  

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Our first and topmost gut feeling gives us the confidence to accept our mother’s trust. A child blindly believes in whatever the mother does and commands. From babyhood, we trust the mother. It probably has to do with being in her womb for nine months. During that phase, the mother and the child have an interdependent physical system, but still, they are oneThe child does ALL its activity in the safety of the safe atmosphere of the womb! In that period, humans get the training of learning to trust.  

The same trust is what drives our life; we expect and hope to have similar level of trust from others in both personal and business matters. Some people and companies achieve it, but many don’t. The reason could be that maybe we expect too much from organisations. But I will share some stories which suggest how I handled them.  

Years back, I had bought a couple of dongles. I found that they did not perform to my expectations. Hence, I closed my account with them by paying cash to avoid any discrepancy about final payment. I kept on receiving their bills for the next three months. Then a bouncer came to my office for the unpaid bills; I showed him the details and told him that next time he comes, I would call the police. Eight months later, I got an invitation for tea at their regular customer meet where a wellknown lawyer was to explain intricacies about bills. They threatened discretely in the end that they will sue me if I did not turn up. Two years later, I got a phone from a cell phone by a lady who claimed that she was talking from Delhi. After using choicest bad words, she threatened that the company would sue me in Delhi and a lot of my time and money will be wasted etc. When I counter threatened her with police complaint, there were no calls again. The amount involved was Rs 785/I am told that when such follow up is done 80% of the people pay the money out of fear. It is an extortion racket run by these companies. Will I ever trust such companies or their group companies?  

I have been using Honda cars for sometimes. Very rarely, I have had any problem with these cars. Whenever I had any technical or commercial issues, responses from their dealers and the company would be swift and resolved the problem. That has ended in my trusting Honda totally.  

Companies make mistakes in their responses, in their products and customer relationship. But many come out of them quite well, though some of them are still controversial. Take the case of Uber. It has many many issues with customer relationships, but somehow, they overcome them. But the product they have provided is such that it has given us comfort that a taxi will be available when we want it. 

I had hired an Uber taxi sometime back, and the driver turned out to be nasty. The trip never began, and the driver ended up telling me to cancel the trip. I did it, and during cancellation, I wrote about the incident. By the time I came home using the lift, (elevator) I had got a phone call from Uber. Their customer care called me to say sorry and to find out the detailsPhone calls continued for three days, and I got calls from different levels. They informed me of what action they had taken against the driver — Uber way of getting the trust back.  

Trust is rarely absolute but somewhat is restricted to particular casesa wife may trust her husband to pick up the groceries but not to buy a party dress for their daughterSuch decisions are based on previous experiences, knowledge about husbands capabilities and interests in doing something girly!  

Wife’s trust in the husband is not just an estimate of the probability that he will pick up the groceries but also a positive feeling toward husband in this respect. Her gut feeling tells her that he will be able to buy the groceries correctly, but she may not be sure about his buying the right dress. She may feel that he is not reliable enough to do such a chore! Trust is the highest when the previous history, the gut feeling, and persons’ interests match.  

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Talking of trust in business, Facebook has made a significant blunder by sharing user data with Cambridge Analytica. At the same time, they have shared data with Microsoft, Netflix, Yahoo and Amazon. Google is already capturing many of the activities we do without informing us. Boeing has made a blunder by not sharing the details about the problems in the model 737 Max. They had this information with them for more than two years before two major accidents took placeIt has created a distrust about them. On the commercial side, they have already spent the US $ 5 billion due to this episode. It will be tough for them to gain customer trust again.  

Building trust isn’t glamorous or easy. And at times it involves making complex decisions and difficult trade-offs. Trust is less fragile than we think. Companies can be trusted in some ways but not others and still succeed. Trust can also be rebuilt. 

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Trust is never objective, but it is subjective. People do not suddenly stop believing in others or companies. When the specific reason for the loss of trust is removed or corrected, trust can be restored. But there is only one relationship between the mother and the child where distrust never gets created, at least from the mother’s side! Conserve your most expensive asset, the Trust!

Trust me to share good blogs with you! emrgency1

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cuckoo in the nest!

The expression a “cuckoo in the nest” has a range of meanings. It can mean any person or thing found where it doesn’t belong and is also used to indicate any problem that snowballs, consuming resources needed for other purposes. Also, the term is sometimes used to refer to an illegitimate child.  

How did all this begin? It began with the fact the Cuckoo puts its eggs in the nest built by the Crows (in some areas different birds). I was trying to find out scientific reasons for this but could not find any logical explanation. Cuckoo is smarter than a Crow. But I also understand that crows are smart, but they are not smart enough. The Cuckoo puts the eggs in the Crow’s nest when the Crow has gone out.  

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Cuckoo thinks that this fellow Crow is building the nests for him, so why should the Cuckoo waste his time on building the nest. They act like humans and try and conserve their resources. Cuckoo’s eggs hatch early and then Cuckoo’s try and ditch the host’s eggs. The young ones in some cases look similar in the initial phase to that of Crow’s young chicks. They make a lot of cacophonies so that the crow feeds them early and more. It’s like the small babies; the mother gives them milk when they cry. Another theory I have read is that the Cuckoos are vegetarian and they ensure that their young ones get the proteins in the form of bugs from Crows. 

All this discussion leads to a question about parasites. A parasite is an organism that lives within or on a host. The host is another organism.  The parasite uses the host’s resources to fuel its life cycle. It uses the host’s resources to maintain itself.  Parasites vary widely. Around 70 per cent are not visible to the human eye, such as the malarial parasite, but some worm parasites can reach over 30 meters in length.  Parasites are not a disease, but they can spread diseases. Different parasites have different effects. 

We see parasites in the human race too! My first interaction with human parasites was when I was in engineering college hostels.  We used to be three per room. But in some places, more than three students lived. These students lived in the hostels for a couple of reasons. There was a music lovers gang. They would have music sessions on many nights. Sometimes these sessions would continue for a few nights at a stretch. On those days, some would sleepover and continue to do so for weeks. Those were pre-security or terrorism days, so nobody bothered who lived and who went back home. Last year my buddy Nayan and I visited the hostels out of nostalgia and were required to make the gate entry, inform the purpose of visit. We also had to wear a security tag. Then there was another set of parasites, though in small numbers. They were from families with financial constraints and would live in their friend’s room right through the year. Nobody would even discuss such an act (which could be called illegal!), but these folks were parasites out of compulsion and could be called good parasites.  

I remember a very distinct system from my school days.  I used to come to Pune sometimes for holidays to be with my grandparents. In those days, there was a system called “Madhukari” (माधुकरी). In my grandparents home, a couple of young students used to come for lunch every day. I would not know the basis for choosing such persons for lunch. They were obviously from low-income families and had got themselves attached to different families for getting invited for a meal, on different days of the week! The Marathi term for this is “वार लावुन खाणे.” Technically, these young people were parasites, but they were invited by the family due to an act of charity. It was resource sharing by the family with these unfortunate young people. I shudder to think when I remember this system.  

Cuckoos are smarter and many times larger than the hosts. The same analogy can be applied to business organisations who follow a very similar concept. I know about a particular organisation which is massive. They have businesses in many spheres. When they find that an individual small, agile and smart organisation is challenging them in a business area, they compromise with them in that area. But in other business areas, they compete aggressively with the same small organisation. I am not sure whether to call such organisations savvy or smart or aggressive. They conserve their resources in certain areas to compete like hell in the other areas! These large organisations cannot be called parasites, but the act of conserving resources is a part of the definition of parasitism!   

There is an old fable of the ugly duckling. It is a story of accidental parasitism. By some accident, a swan egg becomes part of duck eggs family. The eggs get hatched, and the swan gets treated as a duckling. It looks different than the ducklings and is treated like an ugly duckling. The ugly duckling cannot quack like the other ducklings and looks very different than others in the family as the ducklings grow. Once the ugly duckling looks at its image in the water. It realises that it has turned up into a beautiful swan. We know and hear of such fascinating stories in real life too!

Take the case of Jasprit Bumrah. The Gujarat cricketer has an unconventional bowling action, and when he started playing in IPL for Mumbai Indians, experts gave him a couple of years to be around. They all predicted that he would not be able to sustain his action over a long period. But look now where he is! After five years of Cricket, he is very much around and has become the number one fast bowler in the world. He has taken advantage of his asset/resource of different bowling action and is expected to be around for years to come. Conversion of ugly duckling into a Swan?

Talking of Cuckoos, I always used to wonder about the word Cuckold. Diving a bit into the background, I found something interesting. 

From the word Cuckoo, an interesting word Cuckold has been derived. A cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife. In evolutionary biology, the term is also applied to males who are unwittingly investing parental effort in offspring that are not genetically their own. In the days of when DNA testing was not available, it would be straightforward to get Cuckolded. When the child was conceived, only the mother would know the birth father. 

I must share an amusing story. In olden days, when the kings would go on wars, they would use the Chastity belt on their wives. The belt design was such that it would allow the wives to continue with their ablutions, but it prevented them from having sex. A king prepares to go for a war. He gets a chastity belt for his queen. He locks it and hands over the key to his trusted servant so that it could be handed over when the king came back from the war. The king was about five km from the town, and he heard the sound of someone riding the horse. The king is surprised to see his trusted servant. He comes next to the king’s chariot and says, “My Lord! You have given me the wrong key”! 

 

Human Discrimination!

What is the difference between nature and humans? What the difference between humans and other species? Outwardly we are all products of the solar ecosystem, so we all have almost the same processes of birth and death. In between these two events, we grow, we fall sick, most of the times we recover. When one’s time comes, we go back to nature. But I think! Oh, this is the main difference between humans and others. Humans think, but I am not sure how the other species think or if flora and fauna think at all like humans!

Human thinking and beliefs are what differentiates them from others. Humans got separated from others by the use of their thumb and brain. Till almost ten thousand years back, there was not much difference as there was no organised farming and hence there was no concept of ownership! There were no permanent settlements. Humans used to move around as nomads. There was no organised society, and therefore, there were hardly any rules.

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At this juncture, things started changing, and the idea of male dominance started. Humans began to share responsibilities. The concept of families started. The male body was made bigger and stronger by the laws of nature, compared to the female body. Hence, males started taking up so-called heavy-duty work and outside work. Females would manage the home front and raising the family. In all this thinking, it so happened that females were being treated as second class citizens. The situation has continued even today. The net result of this thought process is very much imbibed on the human mind.

From the beginning of the last century, females started taking more part in social activities and various professions. Last thirty years or so, they have become even more and more active. Males, it looks like forgot that females are contributing to the betterment of the society, actively. But apparently, they forgot to change the rules. Even when democratic rights of voting were concerned in many so-called developed nations, females got the rights very late, that too in many cases with restrictions. As against this, the new (and so-called third world countries) like India, Pakistan and Bangala Desh gave women the voting rights within a few years of their gaining independence. Why does this happen? Why are women considered inferior? Why are they not given the same rights in voting, property and many such areas?

There are many reasons and issues. When the female child is growing up, many barriers are put up in her way; don’t do this and don’t do that is the norm in the case of a female child. They are mentally, biologically and thought process wise different. But the males decided that the difference is because they were inferior. Any thought process not matching with that of males is inferior, has become the norm. Though it is changing in some societies, some countries, the speed of change is not good enough.

The parents of the female child, including the mother, will go out of the way to educate the male siblings, but in case of the female child, they probably still permit them to take only the minimum possible education. Oh! She is a girl. What will she do by learning so much? It is never compared with boys who are allowed to take maximum possible education. Do all the boys climb Mount Everest after education? Hardly, one’s achievement in life depends on individual performance, and a person will do well only by putting a lot of smart efforts! It does not depend on whether you are male or female!

In Pune, there is a professional program run to nurture the start-ups! It is appropriately called “Nurture”! A startup or start-up is a company initiated by individual founders or entrepreneurs to search for a repeatable and scalable business model. Founders design startups to effectively develop and validate a scalable business model. Hence, the concepts of startups and entrepreneurship are similar. However, entrepreneurship refers all new businesses, including self-employment and businesses that never intend to grow big or become registered, while startups apply to new enterprises that want to grow beyond the solo founder, have employees, and plan to grow large. This is where “Nurture” is playing the role. It takes such companies under their tutelage. A team of very successful experts from various field nurture them and guide them. They become the family heads or mentors for the start-ups.

The idea of nurture, according to me, has come from nature. Nature has been nurturing both flora, and fauna in the same way. Luckily in the case of vegetation, the issue of male and female distinction is not there. In the case of fauna, there is a difference, but during nurture phase, the same treatment is given without discrimination. Both the sexes will get the same food, the same shelter and the same love. They get the same training. When we grow plants in the home environment, we give them love, then we give the right amount of water, when there is harsh Sun, we move the pots in the shed. When we have pet dogs or cats, we get them special foods; when required, we take them to Vets! Some people get winter clothing for their dogs!

The question that comes to my mind is why we do not take similar care in case of the girl child? Especially about education, making them independent, helping them to educate to become professionals. Why don’t we nurture the girl child the same way we nurture our plants and pets? Ok, this is changing to some extent now, but families that have financial constraints, take the discrimination route.

When humans are close to nature, why not follow nature’s rules? Humans have better and sharper brains, but why do we not follow good things from nature? I know many families where girls were treated with discrimination as against what was done for their male siblings.

A lady from such a family got a nurturing atmosphere in professional life. She has done far better than the male siblings in life. All that she got was the right atmosphere which overcame her setbacks, which she got in her early life. When I checked with her about the old discrimination during childhood, she was not sure if that was their family policy; she was the favourite child in the family but never given the education that she deserved. Will all ladies will be so lucky? Will they be able to overcome the initial setbacks?

I recently met one young lady in the gym. I hardly know her, but she looked confident, running her professional business from home. She casually mentioned that she has two children and said that she does not have a husband. I was so pleased with her story (of course the loss of husband was the sad part), but something must have been done right by her parents family. She appeared confident; she has stood on her own feet. She has taken control of her life.

By discriminating against the girl child, we are losing some good assets which could contribute to our society, the same as the males do. Even in professional life, the discrimination continues; we are all aware of the glass ceiling. Is this all due to MCP’s of this world? Yes, they are responsible for discrimination in later life even when ladies are on the same footing as men. But it is equally important that the lady should also be willing to work hard. So what is the solution? It should start from home; the girl child should be given the same facilities as the male child; this will provide them with confidence and will teach them to oppose the later discrimination. In the current situation, ladies tend to think that discrimination is the norm!

Go with nature. Give that little shower when needed, allow her the breeze, so she does not choke. Give her the shed against the harsh Sun when required! Let her grow into a Big Banyan Tree! Only non-discrimination can help!

How do you solve the problem like.. Cricket!

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How do you solve the problem like Maria? It is a lovely song from the movie “The Sound of Music.” The nurses from the seminary where Maria lived, were very much confused by young Maria, her behaviour and her persona! But still, they simply adored her! They didn’t know how to handle her. I have the same issue with good old Cricket! In my childhood, I lived very close to Mumbai’s maidans both Cross and Azad Maidan. The Brabourne stadium where the test matches were played in those days, was about two km from my home. Whenever and where ever we went to the grounds, there were teams playing cricket! Even though in those days when the kids were born, during growing up, they were inoculated! But all the kids caught the cricket bug for which no cure has been found. As I grew, I have seen that this bug has spread from Bombay and Chennai to Bangalore, Delhi then Kanpur-Ranchi, VadodaraMysore! It is just spreading without any control! 

In my childhood, there were test matches, Ranaji Trophy matches, and in Bombay Kanga league club cricket matches in Monsoon, on Sundays. One could see Umrigar, Ajit Wadekar, Ramkant Desai et al. playing on these grounds on Sundays. All cricketers were amateurs and used to have a tough time getting off to play matches when selected in Mumbai or India teams. Even in those days, Indian cricketers used to do their stint in county cricket. I remember having heard the tales from Maharashtra batsman Datta Kher about his playing in England. He would stay with his relatives in our condo when he went and arrived back from England. We used to view his cricket kit with open mouth and with awe!  

I remember having bowled to Hoshi Amroliwala in the nets on Cross Maidan. As I grew older, then we started to see new stars, of those days,  like Sunil Gavaskar, Ashok Mankad, Eknath Solkar. In those days there was an opening partner for Gavaskar called Ramesh Nagdev. He used to be a big hitter in the mould of Sachin Tendulkar. India lost his services as he migrated to the US at the age of around 20. Mahesh Khandwala was a fast bowler of those times; somehow, he fizzled out after initial burst.  

Cricket is like a close family member or a friend to many in India. It lives a stead life with sudden brilliance and surprises. When one thinks that there can be no more surprises in Cricket, it pops up something new. You Cricket also have a shady side of yours which disturbed many! You are called “Gentleman’s game” but sometimes you behave in an ungentlemanly manner!

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Cricket has rules and regulations; while understanding these rules, most are perplexed because of the absurdities. When the third umpire system was started on TV, the first victim was Sachin Tendulkar. (I am using the word victim) Sachin completed a run against Pakistan, and while collecting the ball, Shoib Akhtar inadvertently pushed Sachin out of the crease and removed the bails. Sachin was declared out!  

Cricket is the only game in the world in which matches used to be played without time limit. In one such test match in South Africa, England was playing with SA. The game was played over 12 days for nine days and had to be abandoned as a draw as English team had to catch a ship back home!  

For the Indian cricket team, the ‘60s and early ‘70s used to be fire fighting matches with occasional brilliance from an individual. When Gulam Guard got Sobers out caught on 29, it was time to celebrate. Chandu Borde’s 96 and 104 in Delhi against the West Indies were the peak of batsmanship. But then came a guy called Sunil Gavaskar, who changed the thinking in the Indian team and changed the way the world would look at India. Of course, there were occasional and sometimes not so occasional lows when India once got out for 42 in England in 1974. Gavaskar once played brilliant innings of 36 not out in a 60 overs one day match!  

Hey, my friend Cricket! You suddenly provide some pleasant surprises and sometimes you suddenly test the umpires. Don’t forget that these guys are human. You suddenly want them to interpret rule 19 (b) subclause iii! That too in the rush of things when a team is on the verge of winning the world cup! Umpires get confused! Have you forgotten that there are crores of Rupees or Pounds hanging the final outcome?  I am talking of prize money as well as betting money.

The biggest surprise you gave us was when India won the world cup back in 1983! Nobody in their dreams ever thought that India would win it! How many hearts were broken? How many British Pounds were lost? How do you manage to do this, my dear? Till then India winning any match itself was a celebration. India was trying their best to get eliminated and was five wickets down for 15 against Zimbabwe! Kapil played an epic inning of 175 and India won that match. In those days, this match was played in England at such a remote place that there was no TV broadcast. Hence there is no recording of this epic innings!  

You have funny rules is well known, but during 2019 the tie did create significant controversy. But in 2007 T-20 world cup final, India vs Pakistan, we had a similar issue. The match was tied. Do you remember how you settled it in those days? You asked six players from each team to bowl one ball each. Those who hit the stumps more won the match. We did not crib as we won the Cup. But is it any way to decide on a cricket match? How does this accuracy determine the final winner? But rules are rules, and the rules are known to the teams beforehand.  

2019 World Cup crossed all the limits of reason during the final. Who would have thought that the final match would tie and then the Super over would also be a tie? No point in discussing the rules but they are there! But the coincidence of double tie was most unexpected! 

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The most important thing was the way New Zealand captain Williamson showed his maturity and Grace! He never made any statement about luck. He knew at the back of his mind that they were joint winners, but on paper, they were runnerups! How do 30-year-olds become so mature? There must be something special in his genes! Luckily, the Indian team was not in place of New Zealand. In that case, there would have been riots in India, maybe a few suicides and some deaths due to a heart attack!  

The cricketing folklore is full of anecdotes, full of characters, full of excitement and full of boredom! There are only two types of people in this world. They either hate or love it. But you never ignore this strange creature called Cricket! 

I love one anecdote which I want to share with you. Gavaskar was the first Indian Cricketer to look foreigners in their eye. After the 1983 world cup victory, we won two more cups in 1984 and 1985. The cup in 1985 was won in Australia! Gavaskar was the captain of the team and was being interviewed. A foreign reporter asked him, “Mr Gavaskar, you have won three tournaments in the last three years. What do you want to say about this?” Gavaskar, in his typical way, asked him, “ Have you seen the movie Jaws 1, Jaws 2 and so on! Our victories were Fluke1, Fluke 2, Fluke 3! Thank you. Any more questions?”