My previous blog “Old is Gold or YOLD” was appreciated by many. But it also brought a thought in my mind. (YOLD is Young Olds)
How myopic our thinking is sometimes? We tend to think, discuss and write about whatever is prevailing in our environment, and our “Shall I call it a bubble?” Daily we interact with people who live a similar life as we do, but we also deal with many different people who live experience that is quite different from ours.
People make different achievements which we deem is as a successful life. It leads to the question, what is success in life? Was Einstein successful in life? Were Churchill’s achievements of very high calibre? I don’t know. Once the war was over, people did not want him to be the Prime Minister of Britain in peacetime.
What is a success is a question which has bugged me for some time. I have written about how YOLDS are happy after leading a good life and kept themselves busy in the Golden phase of life. But one incident which reached me yesterday has started different thoughts in my mind.
We live in a high-rise condo with “successful” people. There are old, middle-aged, young and children in the mix. Outwardly it looks like a happy gathering of people. One lady, older than us, from such a family, has been meeting Jaya occasionally socialising. A couple of days back she took Jaya aside and said, “I am confident about you. I know that you will not share this with anybody except your husband. I am in a dire strait. We own two condos, and one of them is out on rent. My son has lost his job, and daughter in law earns a decent salary as a senior officer. In this situation, I do not have a single rupee with me for some time, even to buy some very personal things like a comb or clips. Could you please give me two hundred rupees? My daughter in law has ensured that I will not have any money on me.” Well, Jaya gave her the money.
The event brought the thoughts in my mind. What is the percentage of YOLDS in my age group? What are the prerequisites to be included in YOLDS? From the event explained, financial freedom seems to be the primary need. The lady mentioned above, and their family own two condos because her husband owned a condo in the previous apartment building, which got redeveloped. After her husband, it is she who has the moral right to the ownership of condos. But it seems that money changes people and change some of them drastically. In such scenarios parents are moved to older people’s homes. That brings up an old thought. How do the people who stay in older people’s home feel? Have they arrived on their own? Or have they been forced by circumstances or the family? Will a daughter, behave with her mother in the same way as the daughter-in-law has behaved? Do the words “In-Law” make so much difference? Do these two words invoke a diametrically opposite behaviour in a person?
It appears that money plays a significant role in the behaviour of people. Since the husband is without a job currently, he probably has no say on the matters at home! But does it mean that the mother in law should be treated maliciously? There are examples galore of such behaviour. A friend of mine had travelled to Japan to be with his son and his family. I bumped into him the day he landed in Pune. I asked him, “Where is your wife?” I thought the son’s family needed support for more time. He said, “She is coming tomorrow. My son buys our tickets. There were two good deals for tickets on these days hence we are travelling separately.” I am not making any comments. You are free to draw your conclusions.
Years back, Jaya was in Boston in the dead of winter for the birth of our grandson. The neighbours were also from Pune. Neighbours’ mother was there on the same mission. One day Jaya asked the old lady to go with her to buy some groceries. The lady said, “My son has told me not to go out anywhere because I might have a fall in the snow and could get injured.
Another thing she said was that he had not bought any medical insurance for her, to save money. Jaya was shocked. Later, the lady would cheat and tell her family that she was going to meet Jaya and then coolly she would slip out with Jaya for a walk! Again, I have no comments.
These examples only indicated that the children did not treat their parents with respect. Money is essential in life, but is it so important? Buying health insurance, husband and wife travelling together are no unique things. These are expected to be done automatically.
It brings me again to the thought process about human relations. The behaviour should be decent with each other. All the cases I have mentioned involve parents whose funds are limited. What happens to the parent’s self–respect? These are the families I am talking about where the family has a decent amount of funds with them. What could be the situation in families who are short of funds?
A family is a group of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit. The group of people lives in one home at least until the children grow up and become independent. The parents spend their funds for the family in the best possible way. It is not about funds, but it is about the feelings behind the actions that are important. When children are young, they don’t have any income, but parents treat all their children in the best possible way and make available study material, games, clothing etc. to the best of their ability. The situation should reverse when the parents retire, and children start earning.
It is all about love, respect and cohesiveness in the family. Challenging behaviour can become difficult for parents to handle. On one side, their health could be down as they are reaching the age of YOLDS. The mental pressure and agonies created in the families lead to stress. I have not even mentioned the situation where the parents are moved to older people’s homes. There could be many reasons, and some justified like not having enough place at home as the family grows. But when the elderly move out, how are they treated? Does their dignity remain intact? Are they given the respect they deserve? A few years back, I was taking photographs on a bridge near my home. On the way back, I saw ¾ senior citizens. They lived in the senior citizens home nearby. I said hello to them, and I found that they were hungry to talk to someone. I chatted with them for almost an hour. My observation was that they were missing the warmth of a chat. Did they look happy? I am not sure, but they looked forlorn. Was their family meeting them regularly? I do not know.
Next week, I have decided to go and meet older people home’s management. I am going to make friends with these people. I will try to meet them a couple of times a month. Let me see if I can make some small difference in their lives. I will keep you updated and share my experience with you!
It is a request for people who have parents at home. Treat parents with dignity and give them love, respect and support. If the parents are not in the YOLDS category, it is the least or probably the only thing they expect.