These are the tag lines of a lovely romantic song from a Devnand movie “Jewel Thief!” He was the Romantic hero of Bollywood. This is a song about two young lovers opening their hearts out to each other. The romantic pairs in films change from movie to movie! But in real life, it does not happen that way. In life, one gets married, produces progeny and life goes on. How many of these pairs continue through their life with same affection and love? It may not be love of the youth but in some couples, it can be compared with a doubles team in badminton or tennis! They are just there for each other as and when needed!
Life in movies and in real life are totally different; one is scripted by a story writer and other by Him! The cliché goes that “Marriages are made in Heaven” but to maintain relationships is totally left to you. If you look at the life’s journey after marriage, it is Honeymoon to routine to more routine. This many time turns into individual routine where partners are not involved. The life of Jodi, who have vowed ” Till death Parts us” live in the same home but become individuals who have their own ways, their own circles, their own system of living life. In most cases there are no visible differences, at least to the outsiders, everything appears to be hunky dory! But if you just scratch on the surface, you will notice the differences. Why this stage is reached? Why can’t the couples who married, many times in a love marriage or most times into arranged marriage, as called in India, “remain a couple”? They become two individuals living legally together. Why does this happen?
A couple of years back, Jaya and I were planning to take Alaska cruise. We checked up with friends and acquaintances who had taken the cruise which is 7 to 11 days duration. Most asked us which group of friends are you going with? When we said that we are not going with friends, only two of us plan to take the cruise, they were surprised and some were dumb struck. In fact, one friend said, “What will you do with your wife for such a long duration? I jokingly told him, ” Someone else’s wife is not ready to come with me hence I am going with Jaya”. They were not sure, what we were going to do in the confines of the cruise for such a long period? For them only two of us going on a tour was a surprise but for us the question was a surprise?
This made me think why this change happens with such a large percentage of couples; for any relationship to prosper or remain at a good level of interchange, efforts are needed from both sides. These could be sharing of daily tidbits, asking for suggestion in one’s work. Your partner may not be from the same field but then do not ask for technical solution from the other but one can always touch base to find opinion on things. Remain involved with each other; it can so happen that wife has not taken up any profession but has taken decision to remain a house wife. Does it mean that she may not be able to give opinion or suggestion? Of course not. About 20 years back I had bought a bunch of flowers and while going towards my car, I met a friend of mine. He asked me looking at the flowers, “Are you attending some marriage reception?” He expected that flowers were for that purpose, when I told me I had bought the flowers to take home. The expressions on his face told me what he felt! He must have thought that Pramod is stupid guy, buying flowers for his wife!
When we start getting busier in life, we need to take efforts to find time for each other. We get busier, we have children, our parents get older, some additional family responsibilities are on you, as you grow older. It is very easy for husband and wife to say, “Oh, we just don’t get time, we are so busy!” In some cases one of the spouses or both are required to travel for work. It is very easy to get bogged down, this is where real skills of both individuals need to come out.
How about a surprise date with the spouse? How about a surprise gift? Why not a surprise hug or a peck? Do you need a reason for that? Why not encourage each other to have independent programs with their groups? Join them once in a while with their group of friends, if it is practical. If you are lucky enough to be in the similar field of work, discuss small anecdotes from work with each other! Why not decide to just go and have coffee at a Barista? Why not buy a special package of teas for the other? All these are so called “small things”. But mind you they are not small! Our life’s journey is a pleasure; and it is sum of “small things”! All of us have friends but make sure that spouse is your closest friend! I have seen couples where a spouse does not discuss or inform the other of major things in life! This too with a person with whom you have shared minutest and innermost things in your life and your family.
We ensure that we do anything for a friend why not do something more for a friend who happens to be your spouse? We remember friend’s birthdays and anniversaries but forget our own. You may think I am just cooking up something but I have seen this happen with a statement, “So what if I forget?” Respect is another thing we forget. As we become close to each we start taking things for granted, and in some cases, we disrespect the other. That is the last thing expected! Respect your spouse’s opinions, thoughts and persona. They may be different from you. This is accepted once we accept that the spouse is also an individual!
Come on folks buy her a Gajara next time on your way home! By a packet of cookies, he likes, of course Sugar free! Don’t forget he has diabetes! Suggest to him a dinner at a restaurant which is his favourite for chicken, though you eat chicken only to give him company! Suggest to her an outing for window shopping in her favourite market. It’s not eating or window shopping that is important, it’s what other likes is important. After all you are the best Jodi He has made but we tend to forget this in life’s complexities! Don’t miss on life’s most important gift!
I take this opportunity to wish all of you a Very Happy and Prosperous New Year for 2018 with a wish that your Jodi reaches great heights; but you have to make efforts! Don’t forget this!
Last evening, I was waiting in my window to attempt taking photos of birds who fly back home! They deceived and took a different path! But the Sun God was as true as ever. I have made a small video of the photos I took, watching Him go down in 2017 for the last time. Hope you folks enjoy it!