Life’s Journey!

We have different phases in our lives from childhood, youthful student, working professional, married person with family, and retired person. All these phases are like mini journeys that we take up in life. Longest and most enjoyable journey that I remember is our so called “educational tour” I had taken during final year of engineering. It was a train journey for three weeks where we had one bogey to ourselves and did we have fun! But it’s not the journey that I am writing about today. It’s the end of journey that I am writing about.

When we entered Maharashtra on the way back to Bombay, I remember someone got down at Bhusawal, then Nasik, Thane, Dadar and finally VT. The reason for there getting down was  that these friends’ homes were at these places. So it was natural for them to get down there. But in our life’s journey we all have the same final home, address is known, “station” to get down is same for all! But it is like musical chair and when music stops those who are “left standing”  have to go. Though the “station” is one, the timings to get down are different in perpetual journey of life.

These thoughts came to mind when I came to understand about Prakash’s death this morning. Some are lucky enough like us, who have reached “retirement” phase, though we may not actually retire physically. When our “ultimate” time comes, though we may not know ourselves, we have to get down from life’s train and there is no option.

The difference between all our previous “journey’s” and the ultimate journey is that knowing the exact time when our journey is ending. In all previous journey’s sometimes we remember the end, sometimes we don’t. When I completed my first two years in college in Elphinstone Mumbai, I simply don’t remember when this journey ended. There are many very happy memories of those two years but for some reason I don’t remember the end distinctly. Same thing happened with my COEP journey. After I completed my Bachelor’s degree, I continued with my Master’s degree. The ending phase also coincided with my courtship with Jaya, in fact six months before ME we got married. Most of the friends left COEP and started new life of professionals. My being busy in Master’s degree and courtship, made the end of journey at COEP a bit hazy.

I distinctly remember my last day of working for someone. I was in Bombay with Premier Automobiles on company work. My boss had requested me to complete one pending issue! Since then I am on own and continue to work full time in my “retirement” phase.

For around last 15 years sporadic information about friends and relatives going on their ultimate journey started trickling in. But 2017 has been watershed year. Swati Ekbote (Sudhir Ekbote’s wife) on 1^st January, Pappy Deshmukh, Maheshbhai my friend and mentor, Dilip Panjikar, Chandar Mekhale, Pendse- Jaya’s guru in computers and now Prakash Karandikar; so many till date.

When I heard about Prakash’s death today I felt empty the way I felt when people were getting down on different railway stations at the end of educational tour, as I got down last at VT and  I was feeling empty! But at that time I knew that I am going to meet all these guys again after a few days. Today I know that I am not going to meet these guys again, ever!

Every person handles death in a different way. But I am sure all of us get that melancholy feeling when we hear about death of friends and dear ones. Today morning things looked dark and bleak, I was mechanically getting ready for office and was trying to write this piece. Out of blue one of my seniors from industry, he is ten years elder to me, called and said, “Hey Panvalkar, how are you doing?” I was happy to hear his usual pleasant voice and chatted with him for about ten minutes. I asked him,” Sir, is there any specific reason you called me?”. He said, “No, since we had not spoken for sometime I thought why not speak to you today! I keep on reading your blogs and I am keeping track of what you write.” We ended our conversation and he invited me for a chit chat at his home! This event, I feel was the God’s way of trying to bring me back to normal and this chat was definitely a bright light that suddenly shone through the dark clouds surrounding me. Thank you Doctor for bringing me back almost to normal through this melancholy period.

God has designed the human in such a way that probably in a day or two we will all be back to normal. In our retirement phase we should try different things to keep ourselves busy besides the normal things like walking, yoga, religious stuff. With the help of net we can study new languages, start writing own experiences, not necessarily for sharing with others! My friend Sudhakar has taken up painting in big way. Try to complete your wish list which in modern language is called bucket list! Travel, read, listen to music do something which you could not do before.

One good thing about the end of journey is when ones time comes, that person does not know that his/her time has come! So live your life King size as if there is no end! Happy journey folks! Every day try to talk a friend or a cousin or an  uncle on phone! You never know ……

 

Age with an Open Mind III

After writing the blog “Age with an Open Mind”, I got an idea that I should write a couple of more blogs on the similar theme. The first blog was mainly about “keeping the brain active and sharp”. In second one I have written about “keeping our body active, sharp and flexible.” In the third & final blog in the series I will write about “Keeping our mind active, positive and interactive.”

Human personality is complex and is made up of Brain, Body and Mind! These three aspects are most important but there could be many more aspects which will be subsets of these three aspects. Brain and Body are physical but Mind can be described as a “Virtual Entity” in today’s language. We describe people as “Oh! He/ She is a simple soul”. Or sometimes we say “Oh! He is a tough guy!” All these adjectives like Simple, Tough describe the personality of humans. Simple soul could be six foot tall and a tough guy could be five foot tall! Human personality is a combination these three parameters.

How does the combination affect us? In young age, we are so busy with many things that we don’t care or have time to think about these aspects, we neglect our body but our brain is active. As we age our mind starts behaving differently as we have more time on hand. Our body and brain start aging. There is a saying in Marathi language “मन चिंती ते वैरी न चिंती“! It means that bad thoughts can veer so much in our mind, even our worst enemy will never think about us that way.

This is the reason we should think of “minding” our mind. Personality of a human being is formed by what one sees from outside and also what is not seen from outside. In my first two blogs I have written about the “seen” part. If your brain is sharp it reflects in your demeanor. If your body is aging as it should, this is also seen from your fitness levels but your mind’s status may not be “seen” as some of us are good actors and we hide the mind’s aging process to some extent. As and when we retire, relevance of various activities changes for you as well as for others. When you don’t go to office every day, our perspective of time changes. You need to handle time on hand. During working phase, you don’t get time for many things but when you retire, there is plenty of time for everything plus you are left with more than excess time on hand. This needs to be planned well.

In brain and body blogs we discussed their management during retirement. Similarly let us define how to manage our mind.

1.       First and foremost we must understand that we will have more than enough time and others may not have time for you. Get used to it!

2.       Keep connect with people of all age groups.

3.       Try and keep connect keep connect with younger people, try and understand modern things, otherwise connect becomes difficult

4.       Cell phone and internet technologies are part of our day to day life, adapt to them.

5.       Never let the discussion veer towards “in our times”- your time is gone, nobody is interested in it!

6.       By all means join groups where people are your age but be selective to ensure that most are broadminded and positive.

7.       Travel and visit places where you could not go during working days, due to lack of time.

8.       Take up a hobby like reading, painting, writing, bird watching and what have you!

9.       Your day must be planned in such a way that you always have something to look forward to.

10.   There are many other things that can be done but it depends on individuals.

11.       Try and remain financially independent and keep your finances under your control. Your assets are for your children “after both of you go and not before”. Don’t become emotional about it. This gives peace to your mind!

12.       Keep your financial documents properly managed, that gives you peace in mind!

These are some of the things that are going to keep your mind active and positive. Remaining positive and interested in your retired life is going to help you remain healthier. At this age some or the other physical issues are bound to be around. But recovering from ailments is going to be easier by positivity of mind. At this stage there will be deaths of spouse, siblings, friends, close ones, neighbours. Handling deaths is an aspect which needs to be learnt. Share your thoughts with others, don’t just clam up. Your mind comes into picture in such situations. Positive and strong mind is going to help you. Friends, try to keep your mind as busy as you were during your working days. This may not involve physical activity but mental activities.  

God has given us gift of human body and brain. Body is bound to age naturally, but mind is not the God’s gift. It is in our hands to keep it young! If we take special efforts to keep our mind positive, active and agile, quality of our retired life will be much better! Mind is OUR business!

True & False -Smart & a Half Species!

What is truth? It is a real question that has to be looked at the way our Universe performs. Whatever Universe does is flawless. Why it is flawless, because it always follows rules, it always follows the path of truth. Do we see any accidents in the Universe as we see on our own earth? Do the Sun and the Moon ever ram into each other? At the end of every day, you always get the night and never a day! Why? Because rules are followed to the last T! Do birds wake up at midnight? Never because they follow the rules. They go “home” at the pre decided time which is set by the nature and go to sleep to wake up early morning again as per rules set by the nature. In winter I see birds flying back to their nest maybe at 5.45 in the evening but in summer they fly back at 6.45 in the evening, again following the rules of nature as the days are longer in summer. Classic case of nature’s rules being followed is by Polar Bears. It is a recorded fact that all the Polar Bears in a certain area go into winter hibernation sleep exactly at the same time on the same day!

If we compare adjectives “True” and “False” then true fits the Universe and the only species that fits false in this Universe, is the human race. Truth depicts the Universe and Falsehood depicts the human race. The Universe is existing for millions of years and the time for which the human race exists is blip on that time scale. Human race has evolved from the same eco system as the Universe. But why the human race is so different in comparison with other species!

Is it the evolution of brain? Is it the evolution of physical attributes like being able to walk on two limbs! Is it because humans are the only species who can make use of thumbs of their hands. If we think of brain and body coordination monkeys are way ahead of humans. But what is it that has made humans different- not better! What is the reason behind human deceit? How this attribute is so much developed? From where has this trait evolved? I am not an anthropologist but I am sure studies have been made to study the evolution of human attribute of deceit.

Survival of the fittest has been the motto of the Universe. Right from the beginning, there have been fights on “ownership” of the Eve, later on other “assets” came into picture. In all other species, this is decided by fighting amongst each other to decide. Human society has evolved over a period of time, and has created a system of marriage (trying to follow rules?). Yes rules are broken in the marriage system also but maybe the percentage of rule breakers is still manageable. How do they manage divorce in monkeys or lions? Or they don’t have system of divorce!

Human race has made great progress compared to other species. Is falsehood the attribute needed for progress? I know of attributes like drive, passion, thinking out of box that help one to go ahead of others but human species has a special attribute of falsehood or deceit which is not present in other species. Humans deceive, cheat and in general try to break rules where possible. A lion catches a deer as his prey and will eat till his stomach is full. He will walk away once he is full. A cat will drink milk but when it is done, it will just walk away. We humans also follow rules in initial phase of our life. A child will normally never over eat. The child just refuses to eat when full. But the mother of the child will always think that the child is eating less, and she will force more food than needed. End result the child will vomit.

What is it with breaking of rules? Humans will break rules while driving, while paying his taxes, while he is wooing his fiancée, in short at every stage in life if possible rules are broken. In some countries this percentage is less because Government is more vigilant! We really don’t know if it is necessary to break rules to achieve something. A businessman friend of mine, once showed me the calculation how he could make a lot of money by cheating on paying income tax. A month after this discussion, his whole family was raided by income tax department at 7 am. I met him a couple of days after the raid. He was very sad, naturally! After some time he said that he was very sad. I said that I can understand. He said he was not sad because of the raid. “Expense” for raid was budgeted for. But he was sad because his mother asked him a question, “When we have so much why you are cheating?” He had no answer and that made him sad. Ultimately we have to answer to HIM if not to your own mother (who anyway is GOD), is it not? I always keep on thinking how the world will be, if nobody breaks rules? Is it my utopian thinking?

Maturity!

My friend Vijay and I always exchange notes on what we have read from Sunday newspapers. Our favorite paper being Times of India (minus its political coverage). Both of us have been reading Times since sixties. Vijay asked me if I have read a blog by Vinita Dawra Nangia, from “O Zone” titled “What Does It Mean to be Mature”. I am giving the link for the same below.

(http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/O-zone/what-does-it-mean-to-be-mature/

As the luck would have it I was reading the same. I jokingly replied to Vijay that to become mature one should become Admin of a WhatsApp group. Ours is a group oldies from COEP, Pune who became engineers in 1971. We are a crowd of reasonably successful engineers and have done varied things in life. From a group of 400 at least 10% are active and balance are partially active to passive! We are on this group, I have secretly named our group as Cartoon Network. On this groups we have friends from various levels of maturity. Some are extremely mature and some have remained “a”mature! (Amateur!!)

My take on maturity is

A person who has self-belief so strong that he/she can accept his/her own mistakes, if required openly, is open to different view point of others, willing to accept totally new viewpoint or direction, and still show as if he/she was saying the same thing though something opposite was being agreed!

I will try to explain my definition in small segments.

Owning a mistake

This is the biggest and the strongest trait of maturity. We all make mistakes in our lives and upto an extent we keep on justifying them. Justifying till proven as a mistake, (innocent till proven guilty) is also maturity of owning what you said or did! But at some stage when we know that it is a mistake, the individual is mature and magnanimous enough to accept it openly. By openly accepting error is to show your acceptance to your friends and colleagues, who may also follow example set by you, for betterment of whatever we are doing.

Being open to a different viewpoints

GOD has given us a brain that really has no limits. We humans will have totally different views upto 360 degrees on the same subject. In cricketing parlance we know that a batsman will be bold, caught out, LBW and what have you on a specific ball. But a Sachin Tendulkar will hit the same ball for a six at Cover and yes Virat Kohli now will hit for a six over mid-wicket! If we keep on arguing that such and such ball should be played carefully, is not using your brain fully. By remaining in your own cocoon one’s growth may get stunted. The mature person will always have mature ideas but is mature enough to embrace someone else’s better ideas with open arms.

After embracing new idea take it forward with same zeal as your own thoughts

Maturity of a person is seen when he/she takes forward new idea brought forward by someone else as if it’s his/her own idea. In short the individual is a total team player! This situation does come up on a daily basis from the smallest of issues, like which Ice cream to eat, to which generator should be purchased for an organization. Once a consensus is reached mature person will not even show that there were different opinions. In an organization, a society or even in the family an individual cannot have his own agenda. The individual agenda can cause disharmony and discontent.

There are various ways of looking at maturity. Some say that with age people become mature but it is definitely not so. Age has nothing to do with maturity. Maturity can definitely be acquired but I feel that persons with a very big Ego can never become mature. This is obvious as it has been explained above. Let me share an experience from our WhatsApp group. One of our friends is a CEO of an organization. When there were discussions on the group, our friend would just not budge. He would stick to his view point, always. In fact he would not follow basic rules formed to run the group. His behavior we realized is a typical immaturity caused by a large size EGO. But we were all friends and obviously equals. We took a long time to bring him in line with others!

Friends let me know your thoughts on maturity and don’t worry I am matured and open enough to take your suggestions. I hope it shows my maturity!!

 I am also giving below some definitions of maturity shared by Vinita

• “Maturity is not when we start speaking big things; it is when we start understanding small things.”
• “I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me… now I look around and wonder if I like them.”
• “Maturity comes when you stop making excuses, and start making changes.”
• “Maturity is the capacity to endure uncertainty.”
• “Maturity begins when we are content to feel we’re right about something, without feeling the necessity to prove someone else is wrong.”

God! Where are you?

I am definitely not an atheist but I am also not “an old man in Vanaprastha”. Meaning of Vanaprastha is part of the Vedic ashram system, which starts when a person hands over household responsibilities to the next generation, takes an advisory role, and gradually withdraws from the world.This stage typically follows Grihastha (householder), but a man or woman may choose to skip householder stage, and enter Vanaprastha directly after Brahmacharya (student) stage, as a prelude to Sanyasa (ascetic) and spiritual pursuits.

During Vanaprastha the theory says that you withdraw from this world and try and pursue spiritual Nirvana. Everybody’s ideas of Nirvana are different. But in this pursuit some become staunch, overly focused on achieving their Nirvana, others be damned.

I am 66 years young and by various definitions fall in the category of Vanaprastha group! I am a professional still running my consulting and software business. I am explaining this background a little more in details than I like but with a reason. I only want say that I am writing this piece in a balanced manner.

My favourite time of the day is evening when I and my wife take our Grand Daughter Rhea to Mandir or a Garden. In the Mandir I observe various groups of Vanaprasthaites! Some pursue their goals by being with the deities, bow to them, and sing their hymns. After that some sit in the Mandir and meet other co pursuers. Others rush back to where ever they want to rush. Most youngsters are in a hurry to do everything anyway! Some meet in a group and discuss their daily tidbits and have a little enjoyment and take the life forward.

Some meet in groups and sing some hymns, sometimes in loud voices. Sometimes Bhagwad Geeta Pathan takes places. Sometimes reading of things of religious writings happens. Now the issue starts. This is a public Mandir and all of us have freedom to do what we want to do within the normal social norms! Generally we tolerate each other but this group has a peculiar thinking. We were enjoying our granddaughter doing whatever two year plus kids do when they get space and place. She was just running around in gay abandon! After some time, couple of more kids joined and the fun started. They were all enjoying chasing each other and within 5/10 minutes their shouting decibels started going up. I told my wife that I see God every day when these kids are having innocent fun!

When the decibel levels went above the decibels levels created by the senior group reading or singing of whatever they were doing, one of the pursuers of Nirvana shouted at my God and told the kids to be silent! My God is laughing and shouting group of children. Nirvana pursuers were so engrossed in “meeting” HIM through their own methods, that they were blind to the “running God”! The innocent children just stopped laughing and rushed back to their families with a small face. I wanted to confront the Nirvana group but I was hoping that what had happened was an aberration.

After ten minutes we started getting ready to go home. For my granddaughter, every event is fun event and there are always negotiations going on! Therre is so much fun when she comes with different arguments every time. During this discussion about wearing shoes, more than 20 meters away from where Nirvana group was sitting, one young old man like me joined our “serious” discussion about whether right shoe should be worn first or the left one! My granddaughter made some funny statement which made all of us laugh.

Now the issue really started. The Nirvana group shouted at us “keep silence please!” Oh, I am sorry we did not know that they were almost on the verge of achieving Nirvana. I simply asked them one question, “Do you have Monopoly in this Mandir?” For which they had no answer. Questions started coming to mind how we become blind when we single mindedly try and pursue something imaginary, when you have the free replacement, in the form kids having fun, in front of you? Sometimes this Nirvana groups’ decibel levels go up so high that it is impossible to sit in the Mandir. I don’t go and tell them so because I know that they are blind to everything else in their pursuit of Nirvana. I don’t want same courtesy from them to me but when it comes to shouting at kids who are enjoying……

Well I leave it you friends!

Helmet Oh No!!!

There have been many jokes going around about Pune city and its people. When Pune was selected in “Smart City” list, there was a joke going around! Pune is degraded, Puneites are born over smart, now they are being downgraded to Smart! Lokmanya Tilak had said “स्वराज्य हा माझा जन्म सिध्ह हक्क आहे आणि तो मी मिळविणार!” “Swarajya is my Birthright and I shall achieve it.” He is the one who started this non-cooperation movement, against the Government, in not so silent a way like, Gandhiji. This movement started an un foreseen reaction. Since that time, all the Puneites were getting a blood transfusion of these freedom fighters’ blood! It’s still boiling in their bodies and their minds are still following the resistance to Government agencies route! I don’t blame them, it is their DNA.

Many idiot Indians are following a rule of using Helmet while driving two wheelers but not in Pune. There have been laws, rulings by high courts, supreme courts but the law makers hardly understand the human body. Here is an advantage of not using a helmet.

                                    

                                            This can’t be Pune!

When you do not use Helmet there is a very quick opportunity for you to meet your Maker, the God! You wear a helmet and fall from a two wheeler, this happens easily. This stupid helmet can come in the way of you and Him! It is well proven that by not wearing a helmet statistical probability of meeting Him vastly increases. Show me the law which says that I cannot meet Him early! Show me the Supreme Court ruling! I am on my own trip, family be damned!

Latest one is when you wear Helmet, you get bald! Wow, this scientific discovery by Puneites deserves Nobel Prize. At last the first Nobel Laureate is found in Pune city, many have been born before but they were never discovered. When you wear a helmet, in summer and sometimes otherwise also, you sweat. Sweat causes germ growth and pulls the hair away from your scalp. Of course in winter, when it is cold, you may wear cap covering your scalp, which also has the same effect as that of a helmet, on your hair. But cap is no helmet! Puneites have allergy to helmets. Young men are worried that if they go bald who will marry them? You cannot argue with this logic. There is one small hitch. You need to be on the terra firma to get married.

When you wear a helmet there are many disadvantages. Your view gets blocked. Looking at a beauty waiting next to you at the signal becomes well-nigh impossible. You cannot see the Policeman who may be around to catch you when you jump signals. Your hearing is impeded and you cannot hear the sounds on the road, including those of other vehicles. Of course there are some advantages also. Buds in your ear remain protected from the nature. You can listen to music while riding the two wheeler. This helps you in overcoming the boredom of driving through heavy traffic. Do these buds hamper your hearing? Please say it again, I could not hear what you said!!

Our modern day freedom fighters (of freedom fighter’s blood transfusion fame) are so sure about themselves that they make their own rules. Red signals are for the meek, green signals are your right. Going in the wrong

                              

                                        POLITICAL SUPPORT

direction on a one Way Street is the correct way, better utilization of resources. Parking in no parking zone, again same logic better utilization of resources.

When such a dangerous atrocity is forced by the Government can the politicians be behind! All political parties have jumped the band wagon. Some have claimed that Puneites are known for wearing Pagadis, old style head gear. How can Government force Puneites to change such traditional wear. That this tradition had a break for last 70/80 years is immaterial. They have taken out marches, protest meetings but they don’t grieve for those who die because helmet was not worn. I am not really sure of the statistics but I think that out of 100 two wheeler accidental deaths, at least 95% could have been avoided by helmets! January 2015 news said that at least 400 die in two wheeler road accidents, every year, in Pune & Pimpri Chinchwad. All the politicians fighting against helmet use should be called to give speech during funerals of such deaths and suggest that helmets should not be made compulsory. See the reactions of the relatives of the dead!

         

  Accidents always happen to someone else!   Puneri Pagdi

On a serious note, this can be handled in a pretty simple way. Don’t allow Petrol Pumps to sell petrol to those NOT wearing helmets. Large organizations including Government offices can force their staff to wear helmets. In Pune cantonment area army has forced people to wear helmets if they want to travel on armed forces roads. Run a big campaign and sustain for years together. Seat belt campaign has succeeded pretty well. Overcoming non adherence to helmet usage is also doable. Like charity start this campaign at home and in your society. 400 nos of death per year is just not acceptable. Don’t wait for such an event to happen in your own home! For records I used to travel for work on two wheeler in late 70’s and early 80’s; I always wore a helmet! So please please….