Today I came across this poem, it could be about a Mother. I will be swapping term mother for parents during the blog as in relationships , mother is prominent. आई, जननी, माता, मा are different names of the epitome of human relationship. This relationship is one that cannot be compared with anything else in the world. Mother is the ultimate giver and in the end also she is giving her last but lasting and valuable suggestion, to us about letting her go!
Only a child and the mother have real closeness during pregnancy before the child is born. Their heart and breathing patterns have the same rhythm during this period. The term “cutting of Umbilical Cord” is used when time comes in Guru Chela type of relationship, to part! Once this Cord is cut, the child slowly gets away from common rhythm; if the child is upset or crying, the mother holds the child to the bosom, the child probably recollects the old rhythm and starts to quieten down. This is the strength of the rhythm. The child starts growing, the influence of mother starts diluting because of many more interactions with the real world. Mother feels that her child is going away from her. Child starts recognizing friends, cousins, uncles, later on associates and the list is ever increasing. Though the intensity may not change, time together starts reducing. The mothers go out of their way to raise, teach their children about life in general. They educate them, they help them physically to learn to walk, talk, and sing and what have you. Mother is the All in One teacher of everything for the child. Mothers do so many sacrifices for their child, but it will be separate subject for discussion.
When the mother teaches the child about growing up, she teaches the child many things including relationship after marriage. Post marriage dilution is the biggest one and mother sometimes find it very difficult to handle. Dilution also occurs on arrival of more children in family. In all this teaching, mothers tend to forget to “learn”. When a person gets married, in the initial phase the closest inner circle will be Husband-Wife, next will be Parents from both sides in a tight circle; these two circles may cross each other regularly. Siblings, grandparents are in the next circle. When a child arrives in the marriage, the inner most circle is naturally Husband, Wife and Child. Parents get shifted to slightly loose outer circle and similar shifting takes place for all circles. As the children grow, Parent’s support system may not be needed and the “tight” outer circle becomes a normal outer circle with corresponding shifts in other circle.
Later, Parents grow older and in reverse they may need some support. This is where the unfortunate but unavoidable struggle starts. The support could be physical, financial and mental support. Physical support means actual physical support, this can be provided by children themselves or by supporting staff. Financial support depends on the means jointly available with the family or individually with parents. Mental support is one which is tricky. Children are busy in their own things and their availability for parents may reduce. But the mother is always comprehensible, intelligible and straight forward. In most cases she knows how to remain a little distant as situation demands.
The poem above, reflects the thought process of a parent, at sunset of life. Parent suggests that children should let go when their time to go arrives. This is the ever giving nature of the parent, who wants to help children to deal with the tough situation.
Now a practical person in me is stirred and some thoughts came in mind. Our society has changed a lot, in last 50 years and many good things have happened but some tough situations are bound to be there. In olden days, in my Grandfathers time joint family was the norm and now nuclear family is the norm. In olden days life spans were much shorter. Now with better treatments, medicines longevity has gone up. So there will be many parents who will be around for a long time and they will be “with problems”.
How can the children give back? Is there a mandate to give back? No I don’t think so. I also hear a discussion about giving back to society! In the “giving back” culture, should your parents come at the top of hierarchy? Its a tough call in busy life! Especially if you do not live in the same city. I see and hear about such situations regularly. How do I solve my dilemma? Mom can you help him resolve this one last time?